Check Out the Tats on That!


Over the last week, one YouTube vid caught the attention of various news outlets across the internet: that starring the now infamous Girl with the Anal Tattoo, Maria Louise Del Rosario. I first heard about it via my favourite Progressive publication, HuffPo and, after watching the vid, doused my already twisted mind further in the gutter by thinking up ideas for her next tattoo. The ideas that made the shortlist were

insert here

find out just how deep the rabbit hole goes

please leave a deposit

visitor parking

feed me

Vulgar as fuck? Perhaps. But infinitely better choices, I thought, than her getting the names of two transient “boyfriends” scrawled round her choccy starfish. It’s not the fact that she tattooed her arsehole that bothered me, but rather what she chose to have scribbled round her rectal ring: I’ve seen much better (NSFW) examples of this kinda thing.


My suspicions of her loving a right rectal-rogering were confirmed over the weekend when I read her interview on County Grind.

When I was 19, I was dating a pill-head. He couldn’t keep his dick up so I started watching porn, and the only thing that entertained me was butt sex. So, I bought a toy and started playing with myself. When I broke up with the pill-head I asked my neighbor Vince to help me with moving his stuff out. We were real comfortable together and I told him I was curious about my little butt so he got me into it and stuff, and I was like y’know, let’s brand it, but I want it in your handwriting. So he got a black marker, and signed my ass in big bold letters and then put 999, so when you flip me over it says 666. When I got it tattooed, he held my cheeks open while I was choking myself from the pain. Then we ended up breaking up because he said he couldn’t see us getting married or starting a family.

The guy who had me put in jail was named Rockwood. He hated seeing Vince there when we had sex, so for his birthday I covered it up with “Rockwood” because anyway if we broke up then “I rock wood in my ass.”

So, fitting, in more than one sense. Thinking about it, the placement of those tattoos could be seen as some kind of shock art statement against her previous paramours: a messy, stinky, fecal “fuck you” erupting from her bowels each time she plops on the porcelain. Certainly beats Piss Christ—I’ll say that much! But, for all the exposure they’ll get her, the scribblings on the skin of that self-declared “beautiful disaster” pale in audacity when set against the ink job on this depersonalized flesh canvas:


Miss Rosario, eat your arse out! I pretty much agree with my friend JC’s appraisal of the above:

I’d rather read an interview with her than anal tattoo girl. That tattoo seems to say for its bearer “I only want to fuck people who have a twisted sense of humor”. Or who are really perverse. Probably both would be ideal (a good way to vet potential boyfriends). It kind of strikes me as a self-referential joke.

It certainly roused my laughter! Perhaps one day, the Girl with the Lolicon Tattoo will make herself known as more than just a twisted torso…


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