Dumbarse Phrases Revival: Till Death Do Us (Life) Part(ner)?

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Which bright spark decided to coin the term “life-partner”?

I saw it used on someone’s blog and cringed – again!

I mean, why refer to one’s chief romantic tie in such a utilitarian manner? It evokes bad memories of politically correct 90s think-tanks trying to reduce words to a nice, lovely, inoffensive, decaffeinated lexicon of lethargy. It makes me think of soft-focus talk shows, tie-dye, and other such sickliness from that era! It sounds like a bullshit term your more kindly Bible-Belt Conservo-crat would patronize a gay couple with, in light of preventing them from poisoning the “sanctity of marriage”. How lovely and antiseptic!

Beyond that, isn’t it awfully presumptuous to refer to your loved one by such a title? I mean, if permanence can prevail in a relationship then more power to the people involved, but going by my own perceptions of the couplings of the human herd, it seems somewhat…well…conceited to refer to one’s amor by such a title. People grow, change, evolve, find things out about themselves they lacked knowledge of previously, and naturally their tastes and priorities go through these alterations with them. Call me a cynic, but use of such a term implies a view of the Other as an immutable, set-in-stone entity, all packaged, frozen and (paradoxically) ready and eager for your consumption.

“Yum, yum,” you might say – unless you happen to identify with this frozen Other!

Don’t misunderstand me, I’m all in favour of long-term serious (yet fun) relationships and the like, but shouldn’t the attentiveness of all parties have the say as to whether your partner sticks around? Can’t people do all they can to keep the fires burning, trust in their own adeptness to power through and leave such clumsy, clunky titles by the roadside?

Yes, not that big a deal I guess, but that term really gnaws on the tits! Got any alternatives that don’t evoke images of a lead weight…or tie-dye?

~MRDA~

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